and so there we had red riding sookie who turned the tables on the big bad wolves eric and bill. and she was posing. and it was a very shiny lulz moment "i want both of you to love me or none at all" - and the wolves vampires comply which shows the awesome powers of the RED. blood, seduction, forbidden fruit, what have you, sigi would have a ball analyzing it. i am having a ball analyzing it - loss of innocence, appropriating the red symbolism (true blood anyone???), the hunted becoming the hunter.
by the way, bill, or more exactly stephen moyer is a libra. so of course his character is magnanimous - "libra male actors always get to play the hero or at least the charming bastard" myth is once again confirmed. mostly because librans live in a world of lofty ideals and try hard to make reality something that's not nasty, brutish and short.
by the way, when nan criticizes bill for not being decisive about killing eric? yep, libra again. libra heroes don't kill people unless they really really have to and it'd better be in fair combat.

this week's episode featured: vampire porn galore! eric-NOT-whatshisname behind! jessica meeting the sun! eric and bill meeting after the very hot sex-scene (and no violence, because, whatever, bill is so magnanimous and keeps a stiff upper lip)
random vampire people being burned by the sun because of evil witch antonia. and lafayette is a medium.

great song, great episode of true blood. eric finally gets his wish of sexing sookie! bill shows what a magnanimous soul he is (we're not buying that! we all know he wants sookie back)! jason does not become a were-panther! hoyt is.... absent? really, where was hoyt this episode? badass witches kick ass (by the way, as a side note - wiccans don't shed blood. so the whole scene with marnie cutting herself was wildly inaccurate. or maybe the rules have changed when i wasn't looking, but i still don't agree with that). tommy sexes sam's shapeshifter girlfriend - and that will lead to trouble.
i am not happy with luis, though. seriously? luis?

"if you kiss me, you'll be happy" - says tall blonde vulnerable sexyhot vampire. and i'm nearly screaming at the screen "kiss me! kiss me! here, i have the consent forms signed in triplicate!!!"
"come on, it's just a kiss" - died of awesome there. sookie does too, except that... bummer, bill shows up at the door and basically ruins that perfect moment. which i suspect he does because he almost dated his great-great-great-granddaughter. awkward.
anyway, eric drains sookie's fairy godmother and hets high on her fairy blood (he does apologize) then goes frolicking in the pond in the middle of the day. that was... cool. then he's mopey because he luffs sookeh, but she decided to get him the sexy werewolf bodyguard. and then we had a perfect example of the female gaze - hotass eric vs hotass alcide snarling at each other naked. i bet that sookie was all "yay!" at that point and a thousand eric/alcide fan-fiction stories just sprung into existence.
other than that: witches rule and kick vampire ass, jason drools (because of his stupid love choices), sam is following the same path as jason (y'all, his new shifter gf just told him "the father of my child is a were. a VERY JEALOUS were". and sam is all "bring.it.on. baby". which i don't know if it qualifies as a proof of twu luv or sheer stupidity) and other random people get into trouble.
i'd like to point out, again, that i totally want an eric with amnesia now.

still haven't seen it, due to various reasons such as mom moving the pc across the room (why?), mom and sister-fish being generally around and their utter dislike of anything vampire-related plus the fact that they went to bed really late...
whatever.
anyways. uranus retro brought indeed the unexpected. okay, not so much unexpected. it's the expected sort of unexpected. which makes sense in the general economy of weirdness. oh, gawds.

...also sookeeh smells like dinner.
because this is what happens in true blood.
apparently, jason and sam continue their weird relationship scenarios, since crystal had poor jason tied to a bed after being hit in the head and locked in a freezer. "but i want to make babies with you daaaaahling", she chirps, "but not before turning you into a were-panther", which involves jason being chewed up by both crystal and what's-his-face-badass-were-ex. i'm just saying, jason may have issues.

but so does sam and his strangely attractive new shape-shifter girlfriend. we all know how well it worked for him in the previous seasons, which is why i would be very careful about dating supernatural creatures, if i were him. also, hoyt and jessica are no longer sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g, instead, they're arguing and almost hate each other's guts like normal couples do.
now, Eric. eric gets in trouble because of bill who is now king because he wiped-out sophie ann (as shown in bloody flashback). since bill didn't manage to convince eric to sell the house back to sookie, he sends him on a mission to a local coven of necromancers. notice how smooth he is. so eric gets in all cocky and gets out ... loosing his memory. he is cute when amnesiac. and, as always, the episode stopped there and i wanted to strangle the producers.

this means we got to season 4 of true blood. and it would have been a time of utter joy if only the phones didn't keep ringing constantly for the entire hour which meant i had to continuously stop the playback. show some respect here, people, it's true blood!!!!
to quote from wiki, this episode was about "Sookie is transported to the fairy world, where she is reunited with her long-dead grandfather, Earl. She quickly learns that the fairies have lied to her and that she, and possibly other humans, are in danger. Though she is attacked and almost stopped, Sookie manages to escape back to Bon Temps and discovers that she has been missing for an entire year and that Jason, who has become a police officer, has sold her house to a mystery buyer. Meanwhile, Bill and Eric work the media to win back human public opinion after the Russell Edgington incident and Jessica is slowly learning that living with a human may not be a good idea. Bill has deposed the Queen of Louisiana and become its King. Jesus convinces Lafayette to attend a meeting of a witch's coven; the coven's powerful leader Marnie, soon takes a keen interest in him. After town-hopping for twelve months, Tara has settled into a life in New Orleans as a cage-fighter named Toni, and is romantically involved with a fellow fighter, Naomi. Jason returns to Hotshot, of which he is now sole guardian since Crystal disappeared, but he is betrayed and locked in a freezer. Eric visits Sookie and reveals that he bought her house in order to own her; he declares that she is his. "

let me tell y'all about the grand finale."i own the house, i own you. sookie, you are mine!" - eric grins and waves keys. EPIC

apparently there are vampire angels, otherwise, why would godric appear dressed in saintly white and chanting "forgive the stupid king of mississippi, eric"? guess what eric does? he actually fries the guy in direct sunlight, keeps him chained in silver for a day and buries him in concrete. because he's eric, and damn!
also, bill tries to bury eric in concrete but our favorite viking vampire is too awesome for that. so he just pops our of the wet concrete and goes straight to sookeeh to tell on billlllllllllllllllllllllllllll. see, bill originally wanted sookeeh for the queen sophie ann, but then he fell in love with her whatever. sookeeh gets really pissed off and bans bill from her life, much to the delight of eric who is all "i thought you should know that blah blah blah". i forsee eric and sookie ending up together, but then again he must also fight alcide and his werewolf awesome. because, you know, fairies are so attractive and everyone wants a piece of them. whee!!! more love triangles!!!
then we find out that jesus is a witch (how nice!!) and lafayette might also have some supernatural thing in him since he starts seeing dead people.
yeah, verily, and sookie does something absolutely evil and pointless - she throws talbot (or whatever remained of him) down a sink.
and now i have to wait another year to see what happens next - i am not happy at this point.
re: astrology. this fabulous conjunction between uranus and jupiter falls in my 12th. wtf??

whyyyyyyyy?????????????? *snif snif

so the last two episodes consisted of:
russell becoming a vampire terrorist after killing a news anchor live on tv. just to make a point. and eric is after his ass. yeah, and he makes a will before because, you know, russell is 3.000 years old and very strong. apparently this makes every woman in eric's life - pam, the ukrainian dancer and sookie and possibly others very mad. so, in conclusion, eric FINALLY kisses sookie for real (anyways, it's being foreshadowed since season one) and locks her in the dungeon of pain lafayette is familiar with. i just love this show's dedication of showing love as a very dangerous feeling. honestly, does anyone there has an even remotely normal relationship. i mean, with the usual quirks and problems? also, apparently, these people are never jealous. which let me tell you is at least strange.
speaking of, it seems sam has a long history of bad relationships. like that time he dated a girl and then it was revealed he cheated on him and also took his money he was robbing to build a future together. and in the end he shot her dead and her dumbass boyfriend.
lafayette and jesus have an outer body trip to the ancestors via v.
yeah, and sookie finds out she is of fairy descent, but i already knew that because i read it on wikipedia. *i am smart.
who else was there? of course, FRANKLIN. he makes a brief comeback only to be killed by jason. i am disappointed. wonder if he's really dead this time too.and jason is dating crystal the werepanther. but he also kisses tara and confesses he killed eggs. go you, jason.
hoyt and jessica are sort-of back together, not entirely sure about that.
let's see what happens next

most important thing: franklin is still dead. huh. i mean, for real? aren't they planning to revive him at all? not even a little bit? honestly...they sort of revived sookeh and bill and then bill almost kills sookeh but then he brings her back to life and she yells when she sees him face (it's a long story) and no franklin?
also, the king and queen are married. direct quote from sophie ann "i'm so happy i could bleed" and it all ends with the magister being decapitated. let's say that was not the most usual wedding.
sookie finally finds out about her fairy heritage about which i read on wikipedia and eric is being awesome and saves pam blah blah blah. also, sam saves him little brother from parents who use him in dog fights.
and now i'm going to wash the mountain of dishes in the sink
fin

Tara bashes franklin's head with a mace. i mean, for real. is that what significant others want to do with us libras in general? that raised a lot of questions since obviously franklin is a deranged libra yet still a libra. obsession with marriage? checked. being a sucker when in love? checked. satin pajamas? checked and double checked (hey, the pajamas were awesome).
then sookie, bill and lorena have a love triangle which involves tears of blood, bill being tortured and lorena going for sookie's throat literally. how nice.
then the aro king of mississippi proposes to sophie anne in the most interesting way. "you'll have a husband who never touches you and also, i'll clear your debts. however, if you say no, eric will go for your throat". aww, love.
jason's still having the stupid buuuuuuuuut he buys crystal flowers and goes to her house which is a big step forward for humankind in general. the fact that crystal already has a fiance is somewhat inconvenient but we'll move over that.
sam is on the family love mode and tries to save his little brother.
now everyone is happy, including me.
fin

this is why i did not have time to put make-up on before going to work and trust me, makeup is v important in television. like, you have to put a ton of it. and it takes time.but true blood is more important even than make-up.
so blah blah arleneispregnanant and she's moving in with what's his face blah blah sam's redneck family blah blah a guy is courting lafayette WAIT that was really sweet. it was the hotass jesus from the sanatorium where lafayette mom's was put! yay! so jesus basically watches lafayette working all day for 12 hours straight and at that point i fell over dead from awesome because no boyfriend of mine just sat there patiently watching me work for 12 hours straight and tell me he was happy just to look at me (without interfering and/or complaining. LOUDLY). lafayette, honey, that guy loves you. don't let him go.
now, FRANKLIN does more stuff libras also secretly long to do but the justice system and other people get in the way of that. so franklin tells tara he luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuffs her and kicks another vampire's butt because he did not bring food to his beloved. also he bought her a really pretty dress, all lacey and retro and that's how you also know he is a libra. because he did not but some cheap porn costume for his beloved. whee! yeah, tara is still bound with ropes but that's just details. then she is trying to fool him and i am afraid franklin will totally fall for that because we're suckers when we like a person. anyways, he proposes to her (do you have any idea how rarely a guy is so enthusiastic about the idea of marriage? yeah, i know) and without further ado, he also says he will change her into a vampire so they can be together forever. you know, if bella had met FRANKLIN instead of edward, twilight would have been three books shorter.and there would have been no werewolves, no love triangles, no renesmee, no fuckwittery.
also key scene. eric goes to the king of mississippi (who back in the day when eric was human and screwing everything that moved killed his viking dad and mom) and meets bill. following conversation ensues:
blah blah blah BILL: "SOOKIE IS NO LONGER MINE"
ERIC: *DOES A VICTORY LAP IN HIS HEAD AND GRINS
ME: *starts giggling with unholy happiness.
however, Eric the Awesome should move faster because the were in this series is no Jacob.also Bill somehow escapes the king's castle and goes to warn Sookeh who is with Alcide (of course she is) and then there's a lot of fighting WHERE IS ERIC???
*FIN, CREDITS ROLL*
NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK

long story short. ohmygods, i feel so talkative today, so the story won't be short probably. bill breaks up with sookeh over the phone because he's bad for her. sookeh's reaction is "shut the fuck up". bill's pour salt on the wound with the "i totally hate-sexed lorena and i was not afraid i will break her and sorry to be you kthxbai". sookeh cries. edward  bill cries too after he hangs up. shirtless and hot werewolf alcide tries to console sookeh. "warm your hands at my chestular fires baybeh". but he does not get revenge sex, because, apparently, weres are not deserving of that (note to self: write a fanfiction story where the werewolf gets some action. just to even things a bit). then sookeh convinces said were to do incredible stupid things for her.... and so far it's like new moon for grown-ups.
there's even a hot car. okay, it's lafayette's who is trying to deal V for eric but almost gets his ass kicked. fortunately, eric shows up and shows 'em thugs who's  the boss.
blah blah sam's redneck's family issues blah
and then FRANKLIN SHOWS UP. franklin is obviously a libra with serious issues. he basically likes tara and in true libra style, he's going to have a relationship with her whether she wants it or not. awww... nothing says true love like tying your love interest in the bathroom all day so they can't go anywhere. and later he brings her flowers and takes her to see the king of mississippi - the aro guy - who finally got edward bill. franklin manages to be still disturbingly attractive with his velvety voice and all. it's also refreshing to see a character who's not obsessed with sookeh so go him.
eric, meanwhile, has sexy fantasies of sookeh where she says unto him "you smell like the ocean in winter. bill smells of nothing at all". HAR HAR.
then there's some were party/initiation rite/ something where we get to see there were's ex-fiancee who's a skank. and no one gets his head bashed in. that was... surprising.
and then bill being mopey over sookeh seduces a strip dancer with a death wish into being killed in the hot limo. bill's such a textbook scorpio, i can't even tell you.
credits roll, fin, ILU franklin

it's back! whee!
so we've got so far: bill missing. although my pet theory was that eric kidnapped him, oh well... it was the king of mississippi. who looks like aro. and yeah - blood gelato. apparently bill's destiny is to attend long lavish dinners and play society games with royalty. still, he's not happy. i'd switch places with bill any day of the week.
eric northman does what he usually does. illegal V, bangs people, buys lafayette a red hot car and has a crush on sookeeh (who is like bella in her "but i'm bill's!!") he actually says he wants to sex her. he doesn't in the end (but apparently he will after she finds out bill hate-sexed lorena and twisted her neck...mmmmm... TWINKIES). i would say subtlety is not one of his qualities but whatever, he's eric. still awesome, but more on the soprano side which i do not enjoy very much.
and then sam has a homoerotic dream about bill the vampire. awkward. then he finds his redneck family.
we also have werevolves! and there's alcide who will get to sex bella sookeeh unlike some other werewolf who only got premarital snuggling in a tent in the middle of a snow blizzard. i know that because i've read the spoilers on wikipedia so, in conclusion, go him. also, his girlfriend dumped him ass and now he's being mopey.
wtf, bill sexes lorena!! because that's just how much he hates her??? also he twists her neck literally....
oh yeah and then there's franklin the vampire. i like franklin. more accurately, i adore his voice, his accent, his british accent ohmygod drool. also, he's menacing and obviously is after bill/sookeh, i don't care, give that man more lines. **** drool again... and again... and again...
in between all that sexing, jessica killed a guy and dumber-than-rocks jason is struggling to deal with his killing eggs (honestly, that was a bad move. my sister liked eggs) and tara tries not to kill herself but then she gets to beat the crap out of two guys with a little help from franklin. oh, and then she sexes franklin but that's okay because he whispers in her ear and i got all mushy and weak in the knees at that point. bet he does not smell like incense sticks but of something slightly sweet and warm (OKAY I KNOW HE'S DEAD BUT I CAN IMAGINE THINGS!!! - that was the part where i started talking to myself and it was not very healthy. possibly. i am not so sure)
anyways tara went all cold and prickly because she's got the stupid. i mean, honestly! am disappointed in you, tara. franklin is really hot. VERY HOT. IN A MORE STYLISH WAY THAN ERIC. AND HE'S GOT A BRITISH ACCENT.

Alan Ball gave away the biggest clue to "True Blood" season 3 by spilling on who took Bill at the end of the second season. In his revealing interview with Michael Ausiello of Entertainment Weekly, the creator of the vampire series even offered the question himself. [Spoiler Alert] He said, the person using silver chain to abduct Bill was Hoyt's mother, Maxine.

Whether he was joking or not, the possibility seemed distant because Maxine hardly has any motive to take Bill as hostage. Also, the mysterious person wore a pair of black gloves while holding the silver chain, which leads to the speculation that it may as well be someone who is susceptible to silver, vampires. (ERIC COMES TO MIND FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER HERE. IT'S NOT LIKE HE SAID HE'LL TAKE CARE OF BILL PERSONALLY)

Ball was indeed in teasing mode when he conducted the interview with EW, confirming some things but stopping when it came to the spoilery bits. Asked why Eric did not play a big part on the September 13 finale, he said "There is a reason for not seeing Eric in the last part of the episode (no, there is no absolutely no reason for that...), but if I explain it, I'll be [giving away] too much." He added that Eric will still be a major character in the third season. (YAY!)

Among those he confirmed to be a story in third season are 'what Sookie really is', 'Queen Sophie-Anne meets King of Mississippi', 'Sam's blood relatives', 'Fellowship of the Sun still exists', 'possible Jason-Tara romance', 'vulnerable Lafayette' and 'Hoyt and Jessica have problems'.(what about the eric sookie romance? dude, the book says they end up together so you'd better do that)

Most importantly, Ball gave an update on the production, saying they have "broken four episodes" and he has "sent writers out to write scripts over the hiatus." Revealing that shooting will begin before Christmas, Ball predicted season 3 will come around the same time as season 2, which is June next year. (WHY SO LATE, I HATE YOU PEOPLE!! I HAVE TO WAIT AN ENTIRE YEAR FOR THE THIRD SEASON??)

On another news, Tony-winning actor Denis O'Hare has been cast to be King of Mississippi.

there is blood galore! and dead maenads! and raging bulls! And Eric plays that dice game with the vampire queen of Louisiana! Because Eric is that awesome - also, the grey suit helps! also, Bill proposes to Sookie while Eric isn't looking but we're left with the question "who strangled the vampire?". So it's all back to square one and now i can't wait for season 3!

that's what eric asks in episode 11 of season 2. it doesn't get any more clear than that. and then there's a standoff with vampire bill who's all " you're pathetic, eric" but eric isn't phased out or anything. that's my vampire.
also eric likes kids (and not in a vampire way) and that adds extra points to his awesomeness. he does tricks for them, y inclus the superman take off.
long story short - episode 11 is sort of a "in between" episode. everyone - vampire humans and shapeshifers - runs around to solve the maryann problem. we get to see the vampire queen of louisiana (btw, that dainty leg wan't hers) and bill is stuck with a long match of game with dice whose name in english i can't find right now.
and of course we have the cliffhanger at the end where sookie is surrounded by a lot of bug-eyed people - including lafayette. i am dissapointed in you, lafayette.
on a related note - district 9 is the best alien movie i've ever seen. and it confirms my theory about what humankind would actually do if we ever meet aliens - chop 'em up! kill 'em all! experiment on 'em! horde them in slums! and then you wonder why they don't dare approaching us.

the latest True Blood episode.
Also, Beyond Here Lies Nothin'. Just awesome

*bill compton has a Wii! Whee! i like vampire bill so much better now!
so, sookie, jason and bill go back to bontemps from texas. bill travels in a specially designed case, courtesy of anubis airlines or sth. meanwhile, sookie has another freaky nasty dream where she consoles eric northman who cries tears of blood. and she kisses his cheeks and eric does the seduction thing and his fangs pop (AHAHAHAHA... *special note to people of true blood - please do sth about the fangs. it's just too hilarious when they pop like that. also, vampires running around shouldn't look like a scene from a benny hill sketch. but i'm being fussy about things now)
they finally arrive in bontemps where maryann has taken over and everyone has bug-eyes and the crazy. except sam (because he's a shapeshifter), andy (probably because he drinks too much), lafayette (because he's too awesome, but in a different way than eric) and tara's mom (because she repented? or maybe because she already works for a different god and doesn't go to parties? i don't know..)
anyway, the stackhouses are back in town to save everybody. sookie confronts maryann (look, if someone did that mess to my house i'd rip her head off too. supernatural creature or not) but maryann goes bwahahhaaha and threatens her at which point bill steps in and chugs the maenad's neck. apparently maenad blood ain't good for vamps, because bill starts throwing up like whoa and so, it's up to sookie and her secret sparkle to save his ass. yes sookie does a sparkly thing with her hands (spoilers ahead: she's got fairy blood)and bill is WOW, how did you do that!
sookie: no time, chop chop!
on the way to safety, bill goes a little emo about not being able to protect sookie (AGAIN)
sookie:we should call Eric. like, totally.
bill: *barf barf barf WHA...? NO, YOU HOR, WE DON'T CALL NO ERIC! *barf barf... also, give me some of your blood, i'll be just fine.
sookie: does it. and everyone knows she should have called Eric because not even a Maenad can stand up to him.
since we're still at sookie saving people, she also exorcizes tara from the maryann spell. but before that, lafayette delivers another awesome line: "Just because god and i have agreed to see other people, it doesn't mean we don't talk to eachother anymore"
on another note, jason rises from the stupid, puts his ash on (chainsaw and nailgun included) and saves sam and andy who have been hiding in the refrigerator at merlotte's. jason also does an impersonation of the horned god for the masses and everyone cheers.
also jessica goes ballistic at hoyt's mom (who's got the crazy) and chomps her neck or so we are made to believe.
in the end bill goes to the queen to maybe solve the maryann problem and... we're left with the picture of a dainty leg covered in blood.