...doesn't feel any different from being 32. so this was a weird year. and somehow the weirding is about to get weirder in the light of the recent events and my ability of attracting other people with huge lumbering trucks of problems. maybe it's my chiron rising, maybe it's the plutonian go-through-hell-and-back routine. oh, yeah, and then i found something that explains it:

Natal Chiron in the 1st House: The Maverick

Chiron is not all about pain and crippling doubts. His full spectrum includes acceptance of whatever wounds are triggered, and the guidance/attraction of others that results from this acceptance. Chiron is an outsider; he represents the feeling of not belonging, or not being as good as everyone else. But if someone has mastered their Chiron energy, the insecure outsider becomes the intriguing maverick. These people know that they’re not one of the group, and that’s what makes them desirable. According to the myth, the centaur Chiron was a teacher before he was wounded. Despite his knowledge, he could not fully heal himself. This is the core of Chiron’s draw: acceptance of what hurts. (like, thank you, astrology for nailing it. i'm good at healing other people but suck spectacularly at healing the wounds of self)
When this planetoid is front and center in the house of identity, Chiron’s energy often manifests as sexual charisma. People recognize that the Chiron person is special. Chiron’s blend of individuality, plus that hint of suffering, creates a powerful fascination. Others sense that the Chiron person has been there/done that, and has something to teach them (on an intimate level). James Dean and Heath Ledger are two examples of 1st House Chirons (both in Taurus). They had sexual magnetism with an underlying hint of vulnerability.

....peace. that sort of peace and reassurance which was can be found only in the depths of oceans under the moonlight.