because i had an eureka moment this morning while diligently cleaning the house. see, house cleaning is magic like that. and it's such an appropriate thing to do in a scorpy time like this. but let us not digress.
so, one of the catchphrases i heard from several men which criss crossed my life was "but you want a relationshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip with meeeeeeeeeeeee and i am not ready for that". which usually comes at that part where they come back after a shorter or longer disappearance in a black hole and i'm pissed off while they expect applauses and smiles. seriously, what is wrong with you people?
let's just make a list of explanations here:
1. we already have a relationship. relationship comes from relating which means human interaction. which is: both you and i have relationships with each other, our friends, family, enemies, work colleagues, supermarket cashiers, random people from all over the world. the fact that our interaction is going down the drain doesn't change the fact that it exists. the fact that you don't want it to exist, won't wipe it out of existence either. and how the hell do you get ready for relationships anyway? go to relationship camp? 50 push-ups every morning? polish up your shakespeare? listen to motivational tapes every night before falling asleep?
2. interaction means action - reaction. you acted (like a jerk) i reacted to that. why in the world would you imagine that i would welcome you back like a hero? and yes, i care about how people treat me. it's the most important thing in the world. if someone hits you with a brick in the head you would react to that too.
3. oh, you mean a loving relationship, going steady, eventually get married? with you? because.... what? it was always my dream to hook up forever with someone who has no respect for me, my feelings and my needs. oh, the joy of it! the thrill of hearing always "me me me me me me ... i want, i i i i i i i ... ". get a grip. if i wanted a selfish prick who thinks the sun rises from his ass to worship forever while he makes my life a living hell, i would probably have found him a loooooooong time ago.
4. what i want is just as important as what you want. if there's a conflict of interests, guess who's side am i taking? frankly, since you did not show any interest in my feelings, why would i try to make you feel ok about it?
5. I AM NOT PINING, NOR DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU, NOR TRYING TO GET YOU BACK. I AM ANGRY WITH YOU. and if you carry on with this behaviour i will still be angry with you. no, i don't forget in time. so disappearing doesn't help, it makes things worse. yeah, i think you're a coward.  
6. i actually wanted to know you better at a certain point. when you were nice to me. how surprising, huh? i like nice people. knowing you better means maybe spending time together, hang out, be civil to each other and stuff like that. and i don't believe in the love that hits you like a hurricane and turns your life upside down. yeah, i believe in attraction and moving forward from there. you don't want it. hey, that's okay. but i would have at least expected from you to have the decency of letting me know BEFORE. which you didn't. which lead to this situation. and i don't care if it doesn't make you happy, because you didn't care whether or not your previous actions made me happy. and i am not going to sweep it under a rug or pretend it did not happen. in conclusion, deal with it.
FIN