so, jason silva put it magnificently this whole existential bummer thingie

that's trufax of life... you get something nice and... it goes away. like this afternoon. which will be replaced by a brand new week of hell on wheels. i know there will be many beautiful afternoons with shopping with my sister and cooking with the guys and music and finally getting the windows functional. it's like chicken soup for my soul, being among friends. people who don't threat my balance, people who can be inspirational, who make me feel at home. i've been searching for love yet i actually enjoy friendship more. friends are reliable and comfortable. friends are there when you feel down. friends hug me and kiss me without lust... there are no games. friends actually take care of me and i take care of them and so it goes.

...and i'm off meds. which was maybe a bad idea. i don't know.
so today started with a walk with dog, then i was heading to work worrying that five would be home alone and maybe he will get bored and wreak havoc or whatever, because internet said bull terriers don't do well when left alone to their own devices blah blah. i had no idea i couldn't be more wrong.
turns out that mr. bull-terrier actually is very nice when left to his own devices buuuuuuuuuuuut... surprise! he actually unleashed hell when sister got home and he got the crazy or whatever, not letting her sit on the couch, barking and trying to dig a hole under the front door, jumping on windows and doing the spider-monkey thing. by the time i got home he was all mr. goodie-two-shoes, extremely well-behaving and submissive. and i'm like... you have got to be kidding me! seriously, dog???
then... humanitarian concert. it was a 9 hours behind-the-scenes non-stop madness.

...like, finally. i mean, it wasn't really planned and all but just like sister-fish-the-oracle said today: "i knew you would bring another pet home sooner or later".
so five (really, that's his name) it's a 2 yrs- old bull terrier which his owners sort-of wanted to kick out and a colleague (actually two) told me about it yesterday and it was st. nicholas and he was really cute in the pictures with socks and all and i'm like "yeah! dog!!! i'm taking him!!". so, this morning five moved in and it's ... a lot like having paco back. just in a different shape. he's very loving and affectionate and i sort of love him like candy. a really clean candy now, since i gave him a bath. and best thing - he's good with walks which dear departed paco was not. 

...that pisses me off. dirt poor people with many children. because idiocracy, why don't you people use condoms, why do you expect me to feel sorry for you? i am sorry for the children who should be taken away from those completely idiots of parents that birthed them. but not the parents. don't ask me to be sorry for irresponsible twats. now call me cynical.

okay, not that random...
how comes a free-spirited- chardonnay anarchist- decadent part time witch of the post-modern age like myself manages to attract the right-wing fans?

given the mess and misunderstandings in the last few months, let me explain something in very plain words. i'm generally looking for the father of my future child. are all the fuckwits running for the hills now? good!

...well, they actually are. except for the first two or three weeks when they more or less turned me into a zombie. because it takes a while for the brain to adjust to chemicals or whatever.
anyways, after getting over that, best thing ever! got over the everlasting anxiety state which more or less plagued me since forever and that's fab. because it helps not worrying about other people having the crazy. trufax: most people i know have the crazy. before it was "omg omg omg crazy alert, feed the ravenous beast, make the damn thing happy or it will kill you!". now it's more of "whatever, crazy, let it slide". a shorter memory span is also incredibly useful.
also, restored my sense of humor. contrary to some people's opinion i actually enjoy laughing and feeling good about life in general. just don't rain on my parade, okay?
sleep issues, also mostly solved. because i worry less!
also, i learned a lot of interesting stuff about pills and chemicals and so on and so forth.
and i don't know what's the deal with not drinking coffee. sorry, i still do... :P