is a very big day. as in, i'm going to cut my hair. as in the tips of the hair, if possible make it longer, plzthnks. but, as previous experience pointed out, it's like playing the russian roulette. and "it will grow eventually" or "hair is just an accessory" are not words which make me happy. not at all. but i am going to be really adamant and specific about what the hell i want. as in "don't cut much, i don't want layers, no shorter hair on front, no way, no how". long, straight hair is my ideal. i have nightmares about having my hair cut.
other than that, the winter is back with a vengeance and i'm quietly embroidering indoors.

excuse me while i do a victory lap! kathryn for best director! the hurt locker for best movie! avatar winning only 3 statues for technical categories! there is still justice in the world! (sister and I decided that kathryn embodies the perfect revenge on an ex. she looks fabulous and kicked his ass 6 ways - literally! from sunday in front of the whole world. kathryn bigelow is my hero now. they should replace all the useless articles on broken relationships you can find on women's sites with a picture of her. message is clear: be fabulous and do something with your life. )
i could not be more pleased with the results. ok, fine, the road SHOULD have been nominated buuuuuuuuuut we can't be perfect and i am not sure sandra bullock truly deserved that oscar but whatever.
also, when i grow old i want to look like hellen mirren. she was sooo stunning, omg.

later edit: also, i want to be alice. call it "color saturated nonsense" but it was a lovely mess of a film (could have used more nonsense, if you ask me and the mad hatter should have been madder). to tell the truth, i kinda always wanted to be alice and even more so after this movie. it's a character i can relate to. probably has to do with my everlasting escapism, and because, for me, it would be easier to fight flying dragons and ride fluffy evil monsters. i blame that on my gipsy-knight mars in saggitarius who craves epic adventures.

where it was cold and sunny and, of course windy. carrying on with the things i like list.
that hyaluronic acid gel i got from the supermarket, which worked wonders on my skin. of course, they don't have it anymore, as sister went yesterday at that specific supermarket and did not find it. note to self for next time i find it: BUY 4 OR 5 PACKS. my skin and I are really picky about cosmetics. you know, sometimes i envy women born with porcelain skin, who don't remove make-up for days and still look flawless. i don't have that luck. this is why finding products which are good for my skin makes me particularly happy. like the vichy foundation, the iwostin line and the deceased faberlic line (*snif, how i loved thee, faberlic). the newest addition is this very great hyaluronic gel.
then there's clothes in stores that fit me perfectly and are on sale. especially pants.
then there's those days when i feel pretty, oh so pretty and people compliment me for that (i never pretended not to be afflicted by libran vanity)
to be continued...
re: about air signs men i was talking on a previous post. found this article here where it compares the aquarian man to merlin. from my knowledge, it rings quite true. as in, they totally tend to live backwards, sideways, any direction which is opposite the way most people go. yes, they have grand visions and countless theories and goddess help us all if they find a king arthur to put their plans into action. when it all comes crashing down, of course it's everyone else's fault but Aquarius'. that's the way things go. however, i would like to point out that Nimue/Morgan - depends on the version, really, (there was this other interesting article with the gospel according to Aquarius and his tendency to convert people to it) stole all his tricks and we all know how that story ended. direct quote from wikipedia:
"In the Lancelot-Grail and later accounts Merlin's eventual downfall came from his lusting after a huntress named Niviane (or Nymue, Nimue, Niniane, Nyneue, or Viviane in some versions of the legend), who was the daughter of the king of Northumberland. In the Suite du Merlin ^[3], for example, Niviane is about to depart from Arthur's court, but, with some encouragement from Merlin, Arthur asks her to stay in his castle with the queen. During her stay, Merlin falls in love with her and desires her. Niviane, frightened that Merlin might take advantage of her with his spells, swears that she will never love him unless he swears to teach her all of his magic. Merlin consents, unaware that throughout the course of her lessons, Niviane will use Merlin's own powers against him, forcing him to do her bidding.^[3]
When Niviane finally goes back to her country, Merlin escorts her. However, along the way, Merlin receives a vision that Arthur is in need of assistance against the schemes of Morgan le Fay. Niviane and Merlin rush back to Arthur's castle, but have to stop for the night in a stone chamber, once inhabited by two lovers. Merlin relates that when the lovers died, they were placed in a magic tomb within a room in the chamber. That night, while Merlin is asleep, Niviane, still disgusted with Merlin's desire for her, as well as his demon heritage, casts a spell over him and places him in the magic tomb so that he can never escape, thus causing his death.^[3]
Merlin's death is recounted differently in other versions of the narrative, the enchanted prison variously described as a cave (in the Lancelot-Grail), a large rock (in Le Morte d'Arthur), an invisible tower. In the Prophetiae Merlini, Niviane confines him in the forest of Brocéliande with walls of air, visible as mist to others but as a beautiful tower to him"

so there was an internet test about how plutonian are you, did by a really smartass astrologer (she really is). and i took it. scored above the norm from the first question - sun is conjunct pluto, moon is square pluto, MC is also squaring pluto, jolly good! although, contrary to a popular opinion in astrology, i don't look anything like a plutonian (no dark intense eyes, no femme-fatale-off-putting figure, quite the contrary. does looking like a mass-murderer when really mad counts? probably that's the only time when pluto rears its monster head). so,. quote:
Pluto has a wide range of expressions. At the unevolved level, Plutonians can engage in manipulating or coercing others, abuses of power, battles for control, resentments and grievances, failing for spite, and being a target of other people’s projections.
 At the evolved level, the expressions can include transforming, healing, and empowering themselves and people and conditions they care about. Plutonians can have a natural gift for psychology, the healing arts, and understanding what makes people tick.
Pluto Issues: Power and control, trust, to discover and analyze what lies beneath the surface and eliminate the undesirable, separateness, holding on to things or feelings, revenge, death and endings, rebirth, healing, and transformation.
Worldly matters associated with Pluto/Scorpio: Sexuality, wealth, uses and abuses of power, corruption and dirty dealing, secrets, exposes, occult, healing, psychology, death and the afterlife, national and personal debt, terrorism, stocks.
Examples of Plutonian occupations: researcher, funeral director, grief counselor, OB/GYN staff, oncologist, psychotherapist, healer, medium, past life therapist, sex therapist, insurance agent, financial planner, I.R.S agent, bill collector, exterminator.
If you had a high score, you’re an over-achiever in the matters of Pluto: You’re probably a Plutonian and therefore extremely strong in some the qualities listed above—the positive ones, the negative ones, or more likely both ends of the spectrum at once.  You may alternate between isolation and being joined at the hip in obsessive relationships; in the worst of times, you could be controlling; mistrustful; emotional intensity; bitter, vengeful. And/or you may be dedicated to healing yourself, and as you learn how to do that, can become a natural healer and catalyst in the lives of people around you.

now, to refine a little - i am most definitely not obsessed with sex. mostly because it just is. however, i am obsessed with relationships and recently wealth. actually security. which could be a plutonian trait, from my knowledge. power and control... hmm... possibly. as in it's incredibly frustrating when i have no saying about things which concern me personally. like getting payed on time when i do my effin' job on time. *snarl. yes, i'm obsessive. very. it's there, under the venus fluff.
transforming. yep. i'm very keen on transforming stuff.
i'd most definitely love to be a researcher or a psychotherapist, i'm good at keeping secrets, yes, i'm interested in the occult and psychology. rebirth, also. but more like changing everything in your like on a moment's notice and getting on with it. healing... now. it makes me think a lot this healing stuff because my chart insists i could be a good healer. actually, it's more or less screaming. buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.. i'm either not aware of this effect, or it's just latent. i don't know. need further investigation.

har har, pluto is in a career house here. the 6th. the astrologer sayeth:
All themes and issues when the vocational houses of the birth chart strongly feature Pluto or Scorpio are the same as for Pluto elsewhere in the chart. At the lower end of Pluto’s range of expressions, they can include abuse of power, battles for control, resentments and grievances, failing for spite, and being a target of other people’s projections. At the higher end, they can include transforming, healing, and empowering the people and conditions Plutonians care about. With the vocational houses involved, these themes impact people’s capacity for success at major life goals (10^th house), their ability to make and manage money (2^nd house), or how they operate with day to day routines in the workplace (6^th house).     
Feeling powerless may translate to a sense of low vocational potential, which these individuals may either accept as their reality or may work compulsively to overcome.  If these experiences left them mistrustful and afraid of people in authority, their relationships with supervisors are likely to be profoundly affected. They may adopt a variety of strategies to cope with their bosses’ power and to have some measure of control over their work lives. Relationships with co-workers can also be difficult. Plutonians’ early experiences may have left them with a feeling of being set apart by shameful secrets, different and alienated. This emotional residue can make it hard to enjoy an easy, comfortable interchange with peers at work.
The house Pluto occupies in the birth chart can represent areas of life where we fail for spite. That is, we may chronically set ourselves up to fail in those areas in ways that are painful, frustrating, and mystifying to us on a conscious level. On the unconscious level, the motive is often to get back at potent childhood figures who considered that area crucial. The behavior is self-destructive, like the scorpion’s sting. For some Plutonians, however, extracting vengeance is more important than doing well.   With Pluto in the vocational houses, failing in the career can embarrass the parent or other authority figure, a form of revenge. (“You said I’d never make anything of myself. Well, I’ll show you….”)  Parents can’t control whether their offspring succeed or not, and the more parents demand success, the greater the sting when their offspring fail.
People with Pluto or Scorpio planets in the vocational houses or aspecting the Midheaven are prone to dramatic career turns, for better or for worse, especially under transits to the Midheaven, natal vocational-house planets, or natal Pluto. Many of them glory in intensity, exist at a life or death pitch, and view work situations in terms of extremes-black and white, good vs. evil, shadow vs. light. If they engage in spiteful, self-destructive rounds of hardball, they may crash and burn publicly, even repeatedly, under transits or progressions to planets in vocational houses or to the Midheaven. If they’re evolving past those negative patterns, they’re capable of amazing turnarounds–the Phoenix rising from its own ashes. (or Dracula from the coffin).
now i'll go do my beauty ritual

venus conjunct uranus today. in theory this means love and madness, the madness of love, trippy ideas, more free booze for pisceans and their fellow watery creatures.also, mercury is sextiling pluto which will up the paranoid detective ante of scorps.
i don't even want to think what this will bring for me.

so i've decided to write a list of things i actually like because, you know, i'm slightly down these days and meh. although it would be much easier to write about things that piss me off. like "sites for intelligent women" with a myriad pages about sex that are so cliche it's boring. also, seduction tips that are so far-fetched they make me giggle. on the other hand, 90% of my relationships were with air signs men and they are beyond those ridiculous tips. i mean, really, go do those things to a gemini and he'll roll around the floor laughing. an aqua will probably not even notice you are doing the sexy scheme or just stare at you. i am not sure about libra men, but they will probably just find it distasteful and roll their eyes.
oh, yeah, i'm supposed to think positive today. how about a crack in space/time? you know, to get to a neverwhere place filled with adventure?

someone wise once said "not even grass grows on monday". tru dat. so today was one of those days. tried my best to be pretty on camera but failed miserably because i, of course, got anxious and then sweated like a pig and then run around the tv with a horde of people and then finally stuttered and i got even more anxious and sweated some more and duh. also people kept chanting "don't panic" so of course i panicked because this is my natural reaction to the "stay cool" mantra.
in conclusion, notes to self:
wear comfortable shoes. slippers would be awesome. heels don't help when you're trying desperately to look poised while feeling like a frog being boiled alive
bring extra shirt, just in case i get another bout of nervous sweat
next time will be better.