...tired, so tired, omg, i hate mornings.

actually sleep is the one of the best therapies i can get. great for my skin, great for my mind, great for everything. and with my two free weeks (yay!!) i did plenty of that. sleeping. also, sewing, of course of course, lots of documentaries and movies. turned off the tv and choose stuff to watch :D still hateful weather.

my creative streak is back! i did the watteau-esque skirt yesterday and today is time for the blue dress with flowers embroidered. yey! ...also, on the subject of relationships and marriage. i have absolutely no intention in the foreseeable future of getting desperate over not having an immature/insecure/irresponsible prick in my life. been there, done that and it's a fast track to nowhere. plus i see my friends (male and female) pining over characters who don't reciprocate their feelings and who behave miserably, use and abuse them. "but you've never been truly in love", they say... uh, if love means suffering like a dog over extended periods of time for someone who clearly isn't into you and, as a bonus, uses you as a doormat... probably not. and i would rather be a crazy old woman with cats than spend my life feeding the ego of some idiot. plus, i am very tired and i frankly don't have the energy, time and will to devote to the noble cause of suffering from "love". i am so not masochistic. and although i adore tragic love stories in the books and in the movies, i don't like them in real life. honestly. and i am also incredibly tired of "understanding". no more understanding unless understood back. ...sure, i would like someone in my life. someone who cares, protects and makes my life better. someone who could be the father of my children. and this is where stuff actually gets serious. messing around, i can do with about anyone. at its worst, i get some more emotional scars and i waste some time. a father for my children - which is what i am after at this point - takes the game to an entirely different level. which requires me to be extremely picky because it's not just me there, it's also the life of my future children. i want them to have a beautiful life, without worries. i want them to have a functional family who supports and cares for them. so...how can i afford to settle for a man-child who is not even able to do the most basic of the social niceties (like answering the fucking phone or knowing what i like) without his ego getting in the way? i will have to rely on that person for at least a few years...

so persephone was sitting at the entrance of the netherworld. as you do, really. and hades, the grimdark sexyhot, was not there to wait for her, as he usually did. "hades, you idiot", the goddess was musing... but the shadows did not move. and there were no transfixing eyes staring at her from the darkness, no snake-like arms wrapping gently around her, no seductive voice... just the cold dead silence. and this was annoying. see, the netherworld is not a bad place to be. it's full of wonders and its appearance can change at will, except the rivers and the plain of asphodels. oh, and there were the poppies too... lovely, really, to watch in the dim golden glow. seemed gorgeous gems shaped like flowers and when you touched them, they felt even more silky than those who grew under the sun. and they never ever died. just stayed the same. a lot like hades and his other riches. precious stones and metals.... "oh, come on!" then, a sigh... "ah, yes..."

....i need a nap. and by nap i mean a coma to snatch me away from what is called reality these days. i'm tired, you know... oh, yes, besides that. i am always amazed by the acts of chivalry that come out of the blue. and they do happen. like yesterday. ...oh and i had so many ideas i wanted to put down for posterity and off they went into oblivion. yep. one of them was that i miss summer. well, to be sincere, very specific parts of last summer with beach and sunsets and the delicious madness. which is why i will never be able to grow up and have ...goals. or whatever it is people do and generally be so miserable and revel in a pit of sorrow. this is what is most confounding about people i know. so i say: please return and never leave me again, please return and never leave me again, please return and never leave me again, please return and never leave me again, it's heartbreaking to be split in two like this, it doesn't get better, it gets worse in time and i swear to god i will be good. i just want to bask into the beauty of it all forever if possible and...sigh. walking barefoot with the hair all wild and no make-up and a touch of drama and that undelible feeling of living in the neverland where all is possible and peter pan and the gang with fairies do exist.

see, 2014 will be a good year because i say so. and it kicked off in style. and since not so deep down i am shallow decadent creature addicted to champagne, pretty homes, witty banter, sparkly stuff, a touch of occasional drama, by all the gods above and below, i will be horribly in love. yeah, i did not lie when i said that in my heart i am cat. you know, problems... they will be there like forever. stuff like work, bills, blah blah evilcakes conspiracies... but moments when all that is suspended... so rare. so precious. so worth it

let me give thanks for the things that have been this year: the eyes i get lost in, the aries chicks, sister piranha-fish with ancient wisdom and generally for the women in my life starting with mother. also, i will thank the gemini bff and other gemini men for filling my days with sparkle and laughter, flirting for the sake of it and honoring what was, what is and what will never be, the aquarians (except for two - well, one must have rotten apples and you do shame your sign)for expanding my universe physically and mentally, for prooving that chivalry still exists and all, and the water sign men for their uncanny intuituion and caring. let me thank for stars and champagne, for the capital of the soultans, the bright and merry days and all the mad 2013. let's just hope 2014 is better! p.s.... and librans ;)